Edward stops to smell the flowers.

The eighteen-hour plane ride.

Edward decides to help the environment.

Who Is Edward?

When Edward was five years old, he sneezed during his Great Aunt's funeral, causing his mother's second cousin to throw her handbag across the room in surprise. The handbag hit an usher in the head, causing him to fall forward and onto the pew in front of him where the Great Aunt's grieving sister was seated. The pew overturned, dumping the poor woman onto the floor and sending her best Sunday hat rolling. Edward's Uncle Mortimer rushed to help, slipped on the hat, sending the enormous piece of head gear sailing into the air, and he was forced to grab the edge of the open coffin for support. The jostling caused the open lid to become unstable, and it wobbled dangerously as the hat came floating back down to earth to land squarely on Great Aunt's head. At that very moment, the coffin lid came crashing down on Uncle Mortimer's hand, effectively severing two fingers. Mortimer was rushed to a hospital, and upon attempting to retrieve the missing digits, family members discovered that Great Aunt's coffin was jammed tightly shut. So, they buried her with two of Uncle Mortimer's fingers and her sister's best Sunday hat. In an odd bit of irony, this was the very hat that Great Aunt had coveted for many years and that her sister refused to give to her or even let her borrow. The two sisters had feuded since childhood, and Great Aunt's sister had worn the hat to the funeral in one final act of defiance, but in the end, Great Aunt got to keep the hat forever. Uncle Mortimer's career as an autoharpist was ruined due his missing fingers, and Great Aunt's sister never recovered from the loss of the Sunday hat. The family was divided, and all future gatherings were marred by bitter disagreements and thinly veiled threats. Nothing was ever the same.

And all because Edward had a cold that day and sneezed (he had not worn his warm coat to play in the snow the week before, and had gotten sick). Edward has had bad luck ever since.